visiting zzf's parents

Why would playing something at full

volume at 6:30am be annoying?

So zzf and I have been essentially dating for 3 years now and I had yet to meet her parents. She didn't tell them about me for the first 2 years (this is common in China) and they were not thrilled she was dating a foreigner when they found out, especially her dad. However, for whatever reason, they seemed to open up to the idea and when zzf went to Canada with me this summer they didn't kick up a fuss. So they've been wanting to meet me. I wasn't sure what to expect at all as they're from a small village, but during the October holiday we took a 9 hour bus ride to get there.
The trip didn't start overly well. The bus left at 6:30am but there was a 20-something year old girl in the seat across the aisle who was watching a TV show on her phone at full volume with no headphones. This happens a lot in China, people simple have no care for those around them. Of course lots of people do care but far from everyone does. We asked her to just turn it down, she ignored us. We asked again, same thing, the driver asked, same thing. She simply didn't care and kept doing it. I wanted to take her phone until we got to where we were going but zzf wouldn't let me. I'm tempted to buy really cheap headphones and carry then with me to give to people like this as it happens quite a lot.
As it turned out, after about 10 minutes this girl's phone wasn't really a problem as the bus had started playing a movie that was loud enough for the vehicles passing us to listen to. Eventually I gave up with trying to sleep and just started watching my own shows to drown out the never-ending noise.Eventually we got to the city of Huai'an where we switched to another bus for another hour or so ride. It dropped us off at an intersection in the middle of nowhere. We then walked about 30 minutes until we got to her place.
When we arrived her dad wasn't there but some uncle was making food. Her mom was around somewhere but we didn't know where. I was standing there a bit awkwardly, eventually her mom came in and zzf talked to her for a bit. She told me to say hi and to try and hug her mom. I tried but it was clear that it was a terrible idea, I gave zzf a look, she laughed. Her mom then went into the yard to do more work. It was a very strange first meeting.
Of course, eventually, food was ready and it seemed like half of the extended family had turned up. Her dad also came, shook my hand, but that was about it.

zzf's parents to my right

The food was awesome and people were obviously very curious about me but they all speak a dialect that's about as close to Mandarin as English is to French. There's some overlap, but not much. My Chinese isn't awesome but I can get the gist of conversations, however with the dialect I was lost. So I just followed zzf's instructions about when I should cheer which people and how to do it. It was exhausting, but when it was over she told me I did really well and they all like me. Apparently drinking at the right time is the basis for being liked, guess I shouldn't complain.

making noodles

 I was given the "wedding bedroom", meaning the biggest and nicest bed they had. I really didn't need it but was told to accept it. Despite it being a nice bed, I'm fairly certain that it was hard enough to be able to cute diamonds under the right circumstances. I took all the sheets I was given and slept on top of them and it worked alright.
The next morning I woke up to find no one around. It was 8am, so not like I slept through the entire day but they were gone anyway. Eventually zzf showed up, she had been gone with her mom to one of the fields and she had a big basket of persimmons.
The weather started to get ugly then. Her dad was at work all day but the 3 of us stayed at their place. Her mom started making noodles and zzf and I... helped? Not sure if I was more in the way or not. This took quite awhile but eventually we went to a little hut to cook them. This hut had a stone stove which had a fire in it that her mom fed with dried out straw. She also used it to cook some corn which I tried to eat but was basically just a burnt cob. It was something to pick at though. They're corn is more like our cow corn.

zzf boiling the noodles while her mom feeds the fire

When lunch finished. We started making dumplings for dinner. This is a long process but seems to be more about spending time with each other than actually making the food. Her mom tried to talk to me a few times and I attempted conversation but it was definitely limited.

apparently I'm not a pro dumpling folder

 That night the other half of her family showed up and again I needed to address each one of them and perform the right rituals at the right time. Again the food was amazing and again the meal was exhausting but apparently I (again) did well and zzf told me they all left happy.
The next morning zzf and I headed into the nearest city to buy some supplies. It was nice to just hang out with her for a bit again although it was now right in the holiday and the entire city seemed to be full of people shopping and yelling and each other to buy whatever products they were selling.
When we got back I learned that I had been wrong, and those meals were clearly not her whole family, or if they were, we were now onto the next round of relations. Another big meal. By this point I was realizing that every meal was going to have a specific dish which is basically fatty meat. It's really tasty. Apparently zzf had told her dad that I like it so he made it every meal and insisted that I eat most of it each time.
In the afternoon there was more food preparing to be done, but her dad called me out to talk with him. I thought he'd want to talk to me about the relationship or something (he speaks a bit of English although not much but I thought he was going to try) but instead it became immediately clear that he just didn't want me to be doing work. Not sure if this was because I had no idea how to help or because he wanted me to be a guest. Anyway, we tried to make small talk and he seemed really happy.

raw peanuts taste
nothing like cooked ones

The last day we all went out to one of her mom's MANY fields. So in the villages in China, each family is given a certain plot of land that they can use to grow stuff. For various reasons her mom has a few of these. However she also finds way to plant things in basically any area that isn't paved over or owned by someone else. The way zzf tells it, her mom just works really hard and uses areas that no one else can use but this angers others who think she has too much land to use and try to take her spots once she clears it up and makes it arable. She grows a wide variety of crops. The previous days I had gone with her to her peanut field and seen her soybean and radish fields as well but on this morning we went to the corn field. It was ready to be harvested so I helped out and this time I felt like I actually did quite a bit. By the end we had cleared the whole field. I am absolutely convinced that a charity teaching people how to farm would be immensely successful in rural China. They have all been farming the same way for generations and now just use a tonne of sprays on everything but seem to get much lower yields than we get in the west. Unfortunately I don't have the knowledge to teach this sort of thing but if any of you are interested in a trip of a lifetime to teach farming, we could probably accomplish a lot! Take a look at my pics and captions for more on that.

These 2 were my guides for the afternoon

In the afternoon her dad again pulled me out of whatever was going on and it was clear I was supposed to go somewhere with him. I looked hopelessly at zzf but she offered no help so away I went. It was a bit of a walk but we ended up at the village town hall where a lot of people were playing Mahjong. Apparently this is also where her great uncle lived. Her dad was going to help him cook and I thought he was going to show me how to cook some food as I had asked him earlier to show me but I soon learned this wasn't the case. I was pawned off to 2 young girls, I think they must've been about 9. One was eager to talk and even, proudly, used some English she had learned in school. The next several hours were a very confusing mix of being told to go somewhere with them, getting 1 minute away, then being told to come back, then watching english news on a tv, then playing some strange form of hide and seek. Eventually her dad came out and told me to go back and get zzf. I started walking with the one girl but after a few minutes the other one showed up on an ebike. They both hoped on the back and told me to drive. I'd never been on an ebike before but, after a wobbly first 10 seconds, I got the hang of it.
After getting zzf we went back over and I had the last, massive meal. Everyone was incredibly friendly but yet again it was an endless series of standing and cheering the right people at the right time. That night we gave her parents the gifts we had brought. They insisted we didn't need to give them anything but I hope they appreciate it anyway. It was also the first time that just the 4 of us had been together. They told me (either directly in English, or me guessing at Chinese, or with zzf translating) that they view me as a son now and they're glad that I make zzf happy. Her dad told me to "take care of her". It was a really nice moment. At the end they all told me that I need to go back again for Chinese New year as I haven't yet met her brothers. I'm hoping to be somewhere warm at that time rather than in the freezing cold of Jiangsu (they are considered the "south" of China so they have no heating even though it still gets to 0 and below). We'll see what happens.
It was really cool to finally meet her parents and see where she's from. I enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would. Not being able to truly communicate is tough. They kept telling me to learn Chinese but the truth is that they don't really speak it either, it's always the dialect. They'd try to use Mandarin when directly addressing me but not any other time so I could never attempt to join in. At the end zzf asked me if there was anything I didn't like. I said it was the feeling of "always being on show". I felt like I was always performing the whole time I was there cause everyone was always watching me. She understood exactly what I meant and doesn't like it either but I'm pretty sure I'm the first white person to ever set foot in that village so I guess some curiosity makes sense.
I'm really glad it went as well as it did, although it seems like it may have gone too well. Since I've gotten back her parents have called me to tell me that they miss me. Me, not zzf, me. A bit weird and zzf laughed "now I can never have another boyfriend because they like you too much!" I said that's fine with me and she smiled.
That's my story of visiting rural China, an experience that not many people get and one I'm grateful for although I was happy to come back to my place with a western toilet.
Josh

This was taken the first night. I think they'd
be smiling more now but we didn't get a picture